Why is finding happiness so hard - and how to fix it?

The pursuit of happiness

It is a deep yearning of humankind to search permanently and intensly for happiness. Often we 're literally chasing it, like the Holy Grail. But, it is such a thing with this happiness: the more we chase, the less it will be found. 

This may sound like a phrase out of a fortune cookie, and ja - it offers a little of this mentality. But let's go deeper into detail, so it gets clearer what I mean.  

Happiness can't be chased, if you ask me - but you can learn it. And the pursuit of happiness is something to be learned, too. The german translation for this would be "Streben"  (striving). Striving for happiness - striving is a movement. You could imagine it like spreading your arms, getting taller and with this a little closer to happiness. And that this move is something you can learn and practice. 

To move towards happiness is a quite different, better image for our inner eye than chasing the Holy Grail (that maybe doesn't exist at all). 

The Holy Grail 

I guess almost everyone already heard about the tale of the Holy Grail. In history there are no proofs or even hints for his real existence. But it finds its almost wild and fantastic way throug a lot of poet's old sagas and legends of old Europe and is rooted in medieval times. 

The most famous picture of it is to be found in the tales of the Artus-Saga. When the spectacular court of Artus falls the Knights of the Round Table leave to find the Holy Grail - an artefact promising almost everything you can imagine. 
They can be divided in a group of chasers and one of those letting themselves find.  

Because this is what we can find while regarding the rough context (do not nail me to the clear literary facts, only rate it as a symbol): The Grail can be found, but not be searched. 

There is a tiny, but important difference. The searcher can not find, but the one letting himself flow and only "strive" for it, finds it in the end.  

Lancelot and Galahd were father and son in the legend. They couldn't have been more different in personality. While Lancelot was a kind of hothead and classical knight wanting to chase and conquer, his son was what we could name a "striving person". He was a student of Being and Oneness - and finally found the Grail. 

But the Grail didn't show as a golden goblet, but as a merge with The Devine, if to name it so. Galahad strived, while his father only searched. Both is an activity, but with greatest difference.
The most of the knights, as Lancelot, searched the Grail in the Outside. 

But Galahad finally found hin - in The Inside.  

 

Happiness never exists in The Outside 

Well, this may be the biggest mistake in chasing for happines. And the greatest difference to striving and finding. To just being happy. 

Most of us relate happiness to extern facts.

I will be happy, if... (I finally am rich, healthy, mother/father, having a great partner, lost weight, all is peaceful...)
But in our analogy this means the search for this mystic golden goblet being able to transform all troubles to joy and ease.

That's not how it works. I wanted to write "unfortunately", but I decided otherwise. In fact, I guess it is good, that it does not work like this. 

Happiness is, as worn out it may sound, a decision inside oneself and surrendering to what it.  Of course our circumstances help to get closer to a feeling of happiness. But that's all we can say about them.

Galahad reached the Gralsburg too - he used a horse. Rate this as an extern fact. Nothing more, only the horse. You have to get through the stress of the way yourself, you have to open yourself for this way to prevent your horse from simply passing the Grail without noting at all. It is this easy, indeed.  

  

Babysteps to happiness

Oh well, all of this again sound like Facebook Fortune Cookie Mantra. So easy one really could skip it from the very beginning? I understand you so good!
It is not that easy - and we all like it to be. 

Why for heavens sake aren't here some "Holy Grail Fortune Cookies" to buy in the grovery stor round the corner? What a pleasant idea! 

But, well, no life doesn't let us get away that easy related to life and death and striving for happiness. 
But, I have good news: You don't have to walk the way to happiness in your seven-mile-boots. Babysteps are far enough and they are easy to make.  

The most important is:
You can not be happy all day long! Being unhappy also is a part of life. It doesn't mean failure, nor shame. It doesn't mean, absolutely not, you did not develop enough with your mind and soul, doesn't mean you're not enlightened or you are silly or poor, because you don't get something so simple! 

The most time of life you are allowed to be somewhere between super happy and damned unhappy. Life is not meant to offer nonstop happiness. As there can't be summer all year long or sun shining 24 hours a day. This would be very, very fatal. 

Die meiste Zeit Deines Lebens darfst Du irgendwas zwischen super glücklich und verflucht unglücklich sein. Das Leben ist nicht dazu gemacht, Menschen in einen Dauerzustand des Glücks zu versetzen. So wenig wie das ganze Jahr über Sommer sein kann oder 24 Stunden lang hellichter Tag. Das wäre äußerst fatal.

Take babysteps. Step One: I am allowed to be unhappy.
Perfect! 

Happiness is small 

Next important step: Stop to search for happiness in the big things of life.

Not in the Wedding Day, the birth of your child, your new house, your promotion, your dream holidy. All of this CAN be a good trigger for happiness, but honestly: Your Wedding Day may offer some poor moments - gown or suit were too tight, food not quite as good as hoped. Birth of your child offered some terrible moments, building this house was exhausting, promotion scary, dream-holiday gave you migraine and the beach burned your feet.  

I guess you get what I mean? 
Your happiness was not created by your holiday. It only was activated inside of you - like a string that was pulled by someone, but always there in you. And will be there in you, always. 

You only have to find the way to pull this string. It is amazing how intensely the great and intense moments of our lifes stay in our memory, because there are so different.

But the constant, earthy feeling of happines we are striving for is related to these moments for only some small percent.  

A little practice for you - best practice on a day you do NOT feel quite happy at all:
Take your smartphone or tablet or whatever (or a photo memory book, if oldschool) and scroll through your pics of the last years. 
Paint a dot or whatever to a piece of paper for every photo you can connect with the tiniest bit of happiness. Such moments giving you a good feeling in your heart or guts. 

I am sure you will collect some points or marks in the end. And this is the solution - it is this collection, this collection in its sum is YOUR Holy Grail. 

And even if you found only one or two pictures - it only is an analogy. We do not snap every moment of life. Think of all the moments similar to a happy picture. They are there, even if not stored on paper or screen. They are IN you. Find them.  

 

Dancing sparkling dust

Many person try to find the great images now. The best holiday photo or wedding picture. 

But, no, that is not what is meant. Happiness can be the most simple moments. Like this moment when you sit in your room and a ray of sunlight gets in. In it you can find millions of dancing, floating particles of glittering, sparkling dust.  

This alone can be enough to let your heart shiver in happiness. 

It doesn't have to. It may. Maybe it is the bird for you, singing a jolly song in the morning. Or the smell of your coffee. The pet cuddling to you. Or, or, or....

And if you argument: "I do not have birds in front of my window, no pet and dislike coffee..." Fine! It is not about birds or coffee. There always is one thing offering potential to pull this string inside of you - playing your own melody of happiness. 

 

Happiness and Gratefulness 

An easy, maybe slightly timeworn method is to get aware what was good - once a day. It is a classical awareness or gratefulness practice. 

You don't have to "journal" if you don't wish. It is enough to spare one minute (or more) a day to get clear about the things that have felt good this day. Not overwhelming, no rush of happiness. Only good, nice, cozy.  

The most days you will find something. 

And if you really don't find, just step back a little to your past until you find something. Doesn't matter if days passed by. Just get this little reminder to push this happiness string inside. Get it back again. Go back to your heart again and again and find this little sparkling of your Holy Grail more and more often. 

The nice thing about striving is, you will get more elasthic with every day you strive towards happiness. Like Happiness Pilates. Your string will be found quicker and quicker. 

And yes - some days you will absolutely NOT find it! And this is more than okay. Maybe it will last days or weeks or more. And this is okay, too! Happiness doesn't die or disappear. You can not unlearn it, you can not loose it. It stays. Sometimes it will be hidden and unreachable, but it stays. 

 

Happines is (no) permanency

Ja, this sounds inconsistent. But, life often is. Maybe one of our greatest problems is not being able to handle this ambiguity. 

Happiness is permanency, because it always live inside of us. And it is no permanency because we are not able to live in it always and daily. It live inside of us, but we don't live inside of it. 

There are days we find the door to it. Sometimes easy, sometimes hard. And sometimes we don't find it at all.

It is important for you stop chasing this happiness - but instead starting to find it. INSIDE of you. This way it never will get lost. 

Use your aids: 

• Nice memories
• Scents
• Tastes
• Sounds 
• Places  
• Persons
• Circumstances 

It can be the holiday, letting your string sing its melody better. It can be your Loved Ones, the joy of work or financial safety. Of course. 

But stop chasing. Start striving. Your personal Grail isn't the far golden treasure in the outside. It is the silent, tender melody singing its song in your heart - just this moment.  

How to be enlightened in the middle of darkness

 

At first, let me tell you a little bit of my own story:

Already during my “Teenage-Years” I realized my clairvoyance -- only I didn’t quite sort it correctly these days.

My clairvoyance, my hypersensitivity, my high empathy and my abilities to “channel” developed year by year. I sensed things nobody else sensed. I smelled, heard, saw and above all I knew them.

Life again and again offered me compagnions leading and guiding me, seeing me, recognizing my talent and teaching me. It happened by itself. I never forced meeting persons of the same frequency. It happened naturally - of course, how could it be different.

It wasn’t an easy way to accept these talents and to let the spiritual world flow into me and around me with an open heart and mind. It was challenging to accept all the shadows of the light. Learning to handle them.

Because this is a part of spritual work and spirituality itself, too. One almost nobody likes to talk about:

Where there is light, there is a shadow.

Being empathic and clairvoyant can mean suffering, too - energy vampires, being too empathic, unwished foreshadows or throwbacks, foreign energy.

One has to learn to handle all these things - it’s an exhausting way, the way of a trainee. It never ends, as we never stop learning.

Well - and the “deeper” I dove to the psycho-spiritual scene during the last years, the more I realized the fact especially this group of human beings - declaring themselves as so openminded/hearted and of so deeping knowing - is creating and depending on one clichee after the other.

A lot of persons of this “scene” offer a kind of pigeonhole thinking, creating an own, elitary worldviel and understanding.

I rate this as being difficult.

Because:

If we suggest energy is everywhere, all and everything is floated by light in multiople dimensions. And the same time locking out everything “ordinary or wordly” - doesn’t make sense for me.

We all incarnated on this planet, the eart - HERE AND NOW. To live an earthy life.

It doesn’t help to create a bubble of “light and love” and being out of touch with reality. It only is a kind of runaway and far away from “Oneness” or “Truthfulness”.

I often experienecd spiritual persons who consistently refused to engage into global or regional politics, because it was to “ordinary” or “worldly.” Instead, they meditated all into “love and light”, so it would work out anyway.

No. Spirituality also means to find the right way of activism.

Not to vote means to give your vote to difficult parties and to devalidate a hard-fought privilege (voting!). Quite simple.

And maybe you can heal your sick neighbour by praying and meditating, but this doesn’t mean, he wouldn’t be in need of a real, earthy helping hand, too - because he has to eat and drink, needs medication or simply an human being at his side.

Also I met a lot of persons in the spiritual area claiming the idea that persons being sick or sad, stuck or fighting with frustration and anger simply can’t be spiritual or do spiritual work/energy work. The real “enlightened” mustn’t be sick, sad, frustrated or clueless.

And all the REAL “enlightened souls” have to skip any worldy goods as they are “energy thiefs”.

Being an energy/lightworker, medium or spiritual healer whilst eating chocolate or crisps, baking cakes, listening to Rock/Pop/Funk(Metal/Hip (=Mainstream brrr) or watching videos - worst case! - even series or movies or reading “normal” books is absolutely and irrevocably impossible!

It is not.
Of course you can be spiritual and “enlightened” (whatever this means for you) - you can be in contact and aligned with the spiritual world, your Higher Me, the Oneness - and the same moment you are allowed to eat your chocolate cake, watching the next series on N..flix and wearing your cozy socks from the Discounter. (Ja, I admit, it would be nice if you know that sugar is not so very healthy, N..flix is nothing to enjoy the whole day and the cheap socks are not the best for the economy and the earth).

And YES - you can be spiritual and “enlightened”, even if you are (chronically or temporary) sick or even depressed sometimes. Or if you don’t know the next step, if you’re frustrated or angry or annoyed. All is a part of it!

If there are days your chakras are closed and you aura colour is more like a duck pond - who cares! It’s okay!

Because spirituality means ALL. All and everything. If you turn away from the world and all we like to name “destructive” about it, it doesn’t have to do with the idea of Oneness or Wholeness.

You don’t have to be positive about all - this would be toxic. You are allowed to have, celebrate, valide and work with your own shadows. To even love them.

And you do not loose your connection to “the above” if you eat an icecream or a cookie! Joyful energy is to be found in a lot of things. It’s all energy, remember? So let all be energy!

ALL is energy - not only “All you rate as good enough to be”.

And not all others name “destructive” really is.
The decision what lowers or raises you, is yours and only yours.

So: YES. You can be enlightened in the middle of the night, by surrendering to this night.

I invite you with this post to finally step into a grounded daily spirituality. Stop being a strange group of nerds being totally out of touch with the reality out there.
Instead: Let us start to finally get back to our earthy roots, so our crowns can finaly reach the light above.